Feeling "out of it"

I'm over it now, for the most part. As I thought about what I'd written below, I remembered some conversations I've had with people in the past. People who were sure I was "perfect," "perfectly adjusted," "doing really great," and who had no idea that wasn't the case 100% of the time. So I'm adding this little paragraph, although not deleting the rest of the post below, to mitigate some of the negative emotions emanating from the following...

It probably seemed like a good idea to the young people and the POW's at my church. That stands for people of wisdom, although I have my doubts... when you keep doing the same thing hoping to get different results, what does that make you? Not wise.

Their idea was to have a combined dinner for the two groups so they could get to know each other better and hopefully so the older folks' wisdom would rub off on the younger folks. I hadn't planned to attend but reluctantly agreed after getting a phone call specifically asking me to be there. I shouldn't have done it.

As I sat there eating and listening with no-one paying much attention to me, I realized how out of it I actually am. Any conversation I participated in, I had to initiate. Any questions asked, I had to ask. That gets old.

The evening was probably okay for most of those present but it was not okay for me. It was just same old-same old, more of the same kind of event that Tim and I used to tolerate at church and elsewhere. It was the reason why we stopped participating in many social events; they were so one-sided that it was hurtful to Tim, and to me.

It would be so nice to have someone ask "How are you" and then wait to hear the answer. Usually the asker is only waiting to tell me how they are, sometimes in great detail, and doesn't care at all how I am. I am interested in other people, that's not the point. It would just be nice to have that interest reciprocated once in a while.

I made myself a promise. I obviously need new acquaintances from somewhere. People who will ask "How are you" and really want to know. The next time I meet someone like that, I will find out where they go to church and then go visit that church.