Another milestone

This is what Tim's office looked like a couple of years ago, Tim and me, his desk and chair, Smokey jumping off his desk, the desk covered with things Tim used every day including his yellow talking book machine plus green boxes full of tapes.

Hidden behind Smokey on top of the desk are two telephones and several tape recorders containing Tim's "Roladex" of phone numbers and many notes about people and places and things to do.

You can see the pictures on the wall, a filing cabinet and Tim's much-used walker - and there but unseen in this shot is also a comfortable arm chair to the side of the desk. All in all, this room was a welcoming environment for visitors to sit and talk.

It doesn't look much like this any more. Smokey died a year after Tim did and I eventually donated the desk and chair to my son-in-law's brother. A small antique secretary that once belonged to my mother now occupies that spot. There's no desk chair or armchair, just photos of Tim's grandchildren on top of the little desk, plus several pot plants.

The photos are still on the wall, although I may have moved a couple of them around. The filing cabinet is still there too, and along another wall is the large blond oak entertainment center with Tim's reel-to-reel, tape deck, 8-track tape player, and multitude of tapes, cords and paraphernalia inside and on top of it.

No one in the family was interested in that large cabinet, although it was especially made for Tim long before we met and is still in excellent condition. I guess it's just a little too big for most living rooms or dens these days.

June 15th was the one year anniversary of Ora Lee's death, the 2-1/2 year anniversary of Tim's death. Tim's family had a reunion down at the farm last month, on a day when I had to be in Columbia for a Republican Party event. Angie was there, but without the kids - she and Vernie are separated and he didn't want her to take the children to the farm that day for some reason.

I was so sorry about the conflict in the date, I really would have loved to see everyone. I haven't seen most of them since Ora Lee's funeral and only occasionally talk to Betty Gosnell or Bryan on the phone. I miss them.

And I miss Ora Lee. I still miss Tim very much too, but now when I think about the two of them, it's with images of them being busy and productive where they are, spending time with each other and Theron and T.C. and Ninie and so many others.

In a way, getting past June 15th is like passing another milestone. As if I can draw a deep, mostly pain-free breath for the first time in 2-1/2 years. That's a good thing.

Another dimension, aka heaven

Nearly a year has gone by since Tim's nephew T.C. Cox was killed in a car wreck (June 7), and then his grandmother, Tim's mom Ora Lee Cox died a week later (June 15). I think about both of them frequently, not quite as often as I think about Tim, and when I do it's with curiosity, not grief. How has this year been for the both of them? What have they learned? Who have they seen, talked to, visited with, worked with? What do they look like? I think I know that one - they look like mature adults, strong and healthy. Not too young, not too old. Here's some of what I think, from impressions I receive whenever I meditate in prayer about them and their new habitat. T.C. is good with younger children, he always was and still is. He can share his own experiences, helping them get to know Jesus, Father God and Holy Spirit better. He can help mentor the younger newcomers and help them adjust to being without parents - although there are a multitude of "foster" parents available, relatives sometimes, who can fill that role. He can also assist them in learning to use their new capabilities, help with studying and learning the many things they need to know. He can introduce them to other people they need to develop a relationship with. He can show them around, taking them on tours of the many fascinating facilities. He can join them in having fun, too, worshiping and praising and playing and enjoying their new life to the fullest. When I think of T.C., I always think of him smiling and laughing and hugging. Ora Lee has always been a people person and after spending great quantities of time with her mom and dad, sister and brothers, I have a feeling she looked up everyone she knew who was already there, catching up on news with her friends from church and elsewhere, neighbors, cousins, aunts and uncles. I can see her starting a regular gathering - a sharing group - in someone's home. Maybe in her own home, whether that is with Theron or Tim or both of them. Prayer would be her focus, I think. Tim has been there longer, and his activities have been on my mind for all these months. I see him spending time with his friends, Mike, Steve, Allyn, Ann Poston and Hope Love, as well as a number of other men and women who had been through tough times of sickness or disease like he did. I also see him spending time working in a lab of some sort, using new technologies, new information and education and training for his new assignments. Other times I see him exploring mountains and valleys and plains, swimming in lakes and rivers, flying in little one-man aircraft. Sometimes I see him studying in archives and libraries, or sitting in classes indoors and outdoors and asking many questions. I see him wanting to learn and share what he's learned with others. And I see him playing several brass instruments as well as singing with a group of men, worshiping God in small chapels and large auditoriums and wide-open valleys. Sometimes it's hard for me to be satisfied here on earth, I feel like they are accomplishing so much in their dimension and I'm accomplishing so little in mine. As a side note - I don't see heaven as being far away, "up" or any specific direction, actually. I see it as being other. Another. Another dimension, maybe occupying the same space that the planet earth occupies, or space right next to it, for all we know. If we could see how much space there was between the atoms and molecules in a chair, we'd never sit on one. There is more empty space than there is solid matter. So there's plenty of room for more than one existence, more than one real reality to occupy time and space together. It's not really important, but it is an interesting concept. A lot of people are sad when someone they love "dies," as if once the loved one leaves this planet, there is no chance of them ever being happy or fulfilled or excited ever again. What a limited vision! The most true happy, fulfilled, excited life comes when we're settled in our new habitat, learning and working in our new assignment after we leave this planet. So - Happy anniversary, T.C. and Ora Lee. Hope you have a party! I know you're certainly not sad, and we'll try not to be selfishly sad ourselves.